Google Info

There is no end to the strange things that I've Googled in my lifetime. My most recent query? I used the image search to look for photos of other women's bellies at 10 weeks. It seemed slightly voyeuristic and a little strange (especially considering some of the 15-year-olds who post their pregnant bellies), but I had to do it.

I just can't tell if I'm still bloated, have gained a little mid-section, or have a baby bump yet! I've seen a lot of conversations online about whether or not you can get a bump at 9.5 weeks, and the consensus seems to be that everyone is different.

I'm not going to lie - I have a belly. When I eat a substantial meal (like, only at dinner because it's so embarrassing), my belly grows to the size of a small watermelon. But not only am I still too nervous (about being pregnant at all) to take photos, but I also can't shake the feeling that my "belly" is less baby and more bloat. I have, after all, been perpetually bloated since...oh, about June.

I really can't wait to take the series of photos though. I think I'll start with 12 weeks - when I have my next u/s. (Everything always seems to hinge on my "next" u/s or appointment. They give me courage!)

Waking Up

I can remember a particular dream I had when I was little...

My mom had let us go shopping, and I had gone nuts at Mervyns. I bought clothes and shoes and things that I never could afford in real life. With my mountins of goods, I went home. I couldn't believe how lucky I was: All the kids at school would be so jealous of my new clothes and they would think I was the coolest kid ever! Placing them all carefully at the foot of my bed, I blissfully went to sleep.

And the next morning, I woke up. There was no mountain of clothing at the foot of my bed, not even a sock. I was devastated.

Over the last few days, I've been returning to my normal life. I get up, go to work, and do all the things I did before summer (and my newfound state) began. I've never been pregnant at work before. I've never sat at my desk, checked my staff mailbox, or decorated my classroom as a pregnant woman. It has lead to one thing...disbelief.

I wake up in the morning, get up, and have to remind myself that I really am pregnant. As life returns to normal, I suddenly expect the beautiful surprise of finding myself almost 10 weeks along to disappear, just like the mountain of clothing of my youth. But it is real. It is happening. And I'm trying to envision, every day, myself in a few months...waddling down the halls. This is one dream that I hope I never wake up from.

I'm a Charlotte

We all remember SATC, right? You either thought you were a 'Carrie', 'Miranda', 'Charlotte', or 'Samantha'. I'm sure there are still FB web quizzes that you can take to see which character you resemble most. I never thought I'd turn out to be a Charlotte - who had trouble having a baby. Sigh. I so wanted to be a Carrie.

When Charlotte finally did get pregnant (ahh, the myth that women suddenly get pregnant after adopting a baby), she was scared to go running. Even after her doctor told her that it was okay, she was still nervous. But she eventually became more confident and started running again.

Eh. I'm not so sure. As I stated in my last post, I haven't been running lately (i.e. since April) because I've been trying to give my body only one thing to work at: getting / staying pregnant. And I don't mind giving it up. I've been walking every day, and I'm not really one of those fanatic runners who lives on the high you get after a good run. I just like being outside. All I know about exercise is that I'm not supposed to get my heartrate up past 140 bpm. So, I'll just continue being a Charlotte until, maybe, I feel so confident in my pregnancy that I'm willing to step it up.

And thanks to my "back-to-school" shopping trip last week, I can still be a little bit Carrie.