Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Oh, the holidays...

Day one of vising home was a marginal success: I didn't cry once! Hubby and I had dinner with my parents and my 6-months pregnant sister, her husband, and their two-year-old daughter. I love playing with my niece, who is adorable, and lisening to the funny things she says. (Yesterday, I asked her how many legs she had, and she promptly lifted one leg, looked down, and answered, "One.") But seeing my sister with a big (albeit cute) baby bump is just plain tortuous. I'm not going to mince words, here: this is really tough and a little bit f-ed up. Two other friends have recently announced their second pregnancies, too. It's begining to look a lot like Christmas, indeed. Santa sure isn't going to be brining me what I want.

Especially since, on the drive out to California, I experienced the aftermath of what appears to have been a very early miscarriage. It turns out the tardiness of my cycle was not just an oversight on my body's part - it was a physical reaction to implantation and then, inevitably, loss. On one hand, it SUCKED. On the other hand, it's something that I've never experienced before, and that means that something is happening that never happened before. I've never had any evidence that I've been pregnant for any time at all, and this was proof that at least something is going on inside me. Obviously, this isn't the proof that I wanted, but it's something...

I'm hoping that every day will be easier, and I'll be able to have a nice time here at home for the holidays. I was going to try drinking heavily and spending the whole week in an alcohol-induced hase, but I guess that's not a very healthy option. Maybe chocolate and shopping, instead...let's go with that.

1 comment:

  1. I hate being "lapped" by people pregnant with their second children...its bad enough they have one, but two when we have none, that's hard to handle. I completely understand!