There are a few things that an infertile woman should simply NOT do, including trolling garage sales (Yes, they are selling a crib and baby clothes, no you may not ask if it comes with the baby), attend a baby shower sober (Did I just call you a "miserable self-centered trophy wife" after you asked me when I was going to have some little ones of my own like my sister? It was totally the cosmopolitan talking!), and shop for pregnancy tests in a public pharmacy (Yes, you little underage weasel, we're both looking for the "pee sticks", and no, I'm not going to be relieved when it comes out negative - I actually know and love my baby daddy). Ahem.But the number one thing you should NOT do on a Saturday is hang out at a public park. Maybe it's the economy, maybe it's the weather, but I can tell you that just about everyone and their progeny hang out there. They're on the swings, in the trees, feeding the ducks…you are surrounded by kids. Sticky, dirty, giggly little humans with anonymous parents. You can almost see yourself calling out to one of them, watching them turn to you with a scraped knee, or pushing those funny little swings for babies. But alas, you sit on the outside of it all.
And then you get on your bike, ride away, and feel the wind on your forehead. You watch the sunlight cascade through the changing leaves, hear the rush of the water beside you, and feel your strong body propel you along the path. While it hurts at the moment, the ache in your heart recedes with every pedal. And you know…your time will come.
(Yes, I made that picture all by myself. Too much time off can be fun.)
It is unfortunate, but BABIES are EVERYWHERE! Sometimes it feels like salt is poured into our wounds, but it is inevitable that you will go somewhere where there are families, children, babies, etc.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby & I have been struggling to conceive for over 2 years now and this challenge has brought in a range of emotions. Your post is a simple disclosure and acknowlegement of your emotions surrounding your fertility challenges. I too, have had moments duruing this journey to conceive where the sight of pregnant women, babies, and dealing with my friends were simply intolerable. However, the constant reminder never vanishes...Somehow, talking about it, finding the right supports will help...
Easier said than done, but try not to let the infertile monster win by making you feel angry at the world...Try your hardest to enjoy the simple things in life..Most importantly, don't forget the value of a true friend (your husband, bestfriend) as they are the ones who can lift your spirits or lend an ear.
Keep believing in your time...as you said, it will come.