Saturday, October 23, 2010

Seeing Red

I'm having an angry weekend. I'm angry that my last IUI was canceled. I'm angry that I have to skip a month because my body is all messed up now. I’m angry that I don't have a kid to parade around for Halloween. I’m angry that the dumbass at the store has two kids and I have none. I'm angry that I can't give my husband the pleasure of bragging that he's going to be a daddy soon. I'm angry at stupid movies that downplay the feeling of frustration and anxiety that comes with infertility. I'm angry at everyone. I'm the kind of angry is only alleviated by throwing a coffee mug at the television set and watching it shatter. (Good thing years of self-control keeps me from acting on those annoying impulses.)
Sometimes I think that I use up all my good cheer and optimism throughout the week, and when I get a moment to relax, I have none left. I know that life isn't fair and all that, but today it just seems…obstinate. At some point, can't I just get what I want, already? My mother would call this pouting. I call it "time for a run."

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