Okay, Now I'm Frustrated...

I have seen a lot of blog posts about how frustrating it can be when mothers write posts about their love of pregnancy, their kids, or a ridiculous maternity-themed forward. I personally don't feel angry when people do that, because (I know, I'm playing devil's advocate here, but I still recognize them as devilish) I post plenty of information about my husband and my job - two things that not everyone is privileged to have. There are plenty of women, my Facebook friends included, who do not have a loving husband, an adorable house, and a job that brings them satisfaction. But I'm not going to stop posting about it. So that doesn't bother me (though I can certainly understand how it could). I have to admit, though, that this post really did: "I love it when God works in such a way that you have NO DOUBT that HE'S in charge..."

Really? REALLY? I wanted to write back:

Like the way he works when he gives babies to crack addicts and a broken uterus to me ? Like the way he makes me spend $2,000 on each dead-end attempt to be a mother while others have babies for the price of a cocktail? I get it - YOU'RE IN CHARGE! I've worked hard to get where I am, so when do I get to be in charge of MY OWN life?

Please note that I'm sorry if you are a religious individual and this offends you. I just have a hard time believing that God, any God, is deliberately DOING this to me, to assert "His" power or otherwise. I don't really believe in prayer - I believe in introspection and betterment of the self. (I am not an atheist, by the way, I am agnostic.) I simply do not think that God is watching over us, making decisions about our lives that we don't understand. Children with leukemia? Violence against women? Racism? Those are not good decisions that anyone would make.

I am a good person. I work hard, love my husband and my family, care deeply for my students, and strive to make my world a better place every day. If that doesn't warrant being allowed to start a family, I don't know what does. Maybe I should try promiscuity and terrific amounts of alcohol. It seems to work for plenty of other people...