No, Seriously, Give Me a Baby

I have obviously been blessed with an uncommonly supportive family. Over the past month or so (as news of IUI #3's inevitable and crushing failure makes its rounds), I have had two female relatives tell me that they'd be happy to carry my baby for me. I find this offer to be both generous and frustrating. Why? Well, on one hand, it is nice to know that if I decide to go the surrogate route (which I'm not at all opposed to), I won't have to pay a surrogate to carry my kid. It's also nice to know that there are people who love and respect me enough to endure 9 months of physical torture in order to allow me to be a mom. That's just plain touching. But on the other hand…

…when I say "have a baby for me", I mean for them to naturally conceive a child - thereby avoiding all crazy scientific procedures, expensive drug-induced menstrual cycles, and weeks on end of time-consuming doctor's visits. They mean that they would be happy to have my fertilized egg artificially implanted in their womb. I want it to be as easy for me to have a kid (and just as cheap) as it is for others. This may seem odd to some people, but I'd rather have a child that does NOT share my genetics than go into massive debt ('cause there's no guarantee that I'll even be able to conceive with one, two, or three IVF procedures) in order to have one that does. In other words, I'll take any baby I can get, and let's face it, it doesn't cost anything or take that much effort for most people to get pregnant. I feel like if it's free and easy for everyone else to get pregnant, it should be free and easy for me. Won't someone just go out, get knocked up, and give me the baby? How is this any different from adoption? Am I shallow and strange? Agh. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of Crazytown. I would give anything to my brothers or sisters - even a vital organ. All I'm asking for is one of something that they can have over and over again. Is that so bad?

Look on the Bright Side: If you Were Anne Boleyn, You Would Have Been Beheaded by Now

Poor, poor Anne. When she failed to produce a male heir for King Henry VIII, he had her beheaded. And how long did she get? A few paltry years? At least my husband isn't plotting my ultimate demise in the near future. (Though he is contemplating buying stock in Disarrono or Kleenex.) I guess if there is any silver lining in the pile of bullsh** that is infertility, it's that we live in an age that not only allows us to cry out our feelings, but also has made it perfectly acceptable (if not downright cosmopolitan) to adopt children if need be. Thank you, Angelina Jolie.

That's Easy for You to Save

I've never been one to strive for money. When I was in high school and made a list of priorities, having a job that "benefited society" was higher on the list than making six figures. I never really saw the need for more than average. (I truly believe that the more you get, the more it will take to surprise, please, or satisfy you. Living at the status quo just helps to keep me grounded and blissfully happy with a 2 bedroom, 1 bath. And I am!) But when photos of Sandra Bullock and her new little one came out in the press, I suddenly had a change of heart: money is good. Money can buy you the one thing that all people should have for free (well, barring medical costs): a child. I mean, I know people who have conceived without so much as a $12.00 bar tab and a taxi ride home. Ooops! Conception. Some didn't incur any additional costs at all. "We just started trying…and, boom! Pregnant." What? No specialist? No expensive prescription drugs? No half-dozen volumes of misguided pregnancy books? No uncomfortable and overpriced (it's just a syringe, man, I used to do that to sheep for less than 50 bucks) medical procedures? That's unreal. No, it's more than that; it's a downright bargain. Infertility? Now, that's another story. When you add up all the costs (and we're not even talking emotional costs, here), it gets to be a very expensive problem, as all medical problems are. Money can usually solve all problems, and this is no exception. If we were just one tax bracket higher, a few IVFs and possibly even a surrogate would be no problem. But here in the lowlands of the economic ladder? It's a big problem. Unless we want to clothe our kids in gunny sacks and feed them rice and water, we're going to have to seriously consider the cost of treatment. The cost of motherhood for other women? Finite. For me? Immeasurable. Hey Sandra, if you ever want to throw a few thousand my way, I wouldn't say "no."