Much to my mother's chagrin, we're taking a break from treatment. Firstly, it's the dawn of a new school year, and I simply cannot handle tri-weekly trips to my RE's office (1.5 hours away). Secondly, we need some time to refill the infertility coffers, if you will. The trip to Europe was very necessary, but also very expensive. (Let's not even talk about how many people said we shouldn't go because we should be saving for IVF.) As I prepare for two full months of doing essentially nothing, I have to wonder: What's my deal?I've narrowed my mental roadblock down to four fantastic adjectives: stubborn, optimistic, complacent, and tired. I might just be being stubborn: I truly believe that I should not have to go through all this crud just to have a child, and I'm sticking to my guns. Stubborn. Or, I could be exercising my relentless optimism: I don't really think I'll need scientific intervention after all. Optimistic. It could be that I just don't care anymore: I want a child, but as Grandma says, "If it happens, it happens." Complacent. It's also possible that the mental stress of trying to conceive a child for two years (I hope I'm someday as strong as all of the other blogging women who have been at this for longer than I) has left me tired: I simply don't want to do it anymore.
Anyhow, I'm not sure which of those emotions has been the driving force behind my decision to halt all IF treatments at the moment, but I do know this: I'm still on the road to becoming a mom. I've just taken a little detour.
I love that sentence: "I'm still on the road to becoming a mom, I've just taken a little detour."
ReplyDeleteThat's EXACTLY how I feel right now. Saying it that way makes it seem so much more bearable, though.
It's okay to take a break, by the way. In fact, I've found it 100% necessary. In the eight years we've been trying, we've never PREVENTED pregnancy, but we have taken breaks from actively trying. Sometimes, you have to, whether its for financial, physical, or emotional reasons.
On an unrelated note, are you a teacher? You mentioned another school year starting. I teach (elementary, now) and can relate to how hectic the beginning of a new year is.
Hugs,
Jo
I will be one to say that I am so glad you two went on your trip! You needed that more than anything else. Those are precious moments spent with the love of your life, and you are a world traveler. Don't forget it!
ReplyDeleteAlso, as a side note (a rather important one at that), reading your blog has got me thinking a lot about when (and if ) we're ever going to try to have kids. I haven't been around little ones very much, and working with them at work has made me really question my abilities to handle motherhood. I'm exhausted and frustrated after *two hours*, I don't think I can handle the 24/7 responsibilities.
Thus, I've decided that, higher power permitting, I will forgo my chances of having any offspring of my own if you get to. I want you to have babies more than I want them for myself. I hope someone upstairs is listening. My fingers, as always are crossed.
Oh, sweet Amber. You will want them. I never believed in the "body clock" that everyone else talked about - but it EXISTS! I never knew I wanted to be a mom until a specific moment in time...it will happen to you, too. We will be adorable moms together someday. We'll run stroller 1/2 marathons and have play dates and everything. I'm counting on it.
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